One Sex, Two Sex, Funny Sex, Cute Sex.
You do not fit in a box.
You are multifaceted, filled with surprises and opinions and kinks all to your own. So why should the sex you’re having be in a box too?
There are too often assumptions made about what kind of sex people should be having. When I have spent my time on dating sites or digging through social media DMs, I get the WEIRDEST assumptions:
- Since I’m fat, I give good head.
- Since I’m fat, I’m easy.
- Since I’m fat, I’m desperate.
- Since I’m fat, I haven’t had any sex partners who want me.
- Since I’m fat, I won’t try any new positions cause I can’t.
- Since I’m fat, I’m only into really rough and kinky sex.
- Since I’m fat, I only like men of a certain race or ethnicity.
- Since I’m a redhead, I must be absolutely wild in bed.
- Since I have tattoos, I’m a dom.
- Since I have glasses, I’m into teacher role play.
Most of these assumptions completely contradict each other? Also NO clue how the color of my hair affects my sex life. Still haven’t figured that one out.
And it’s all complete bs.
Babes, your sex life doesn’t have to fit into one small box. You can put it into lots of boxes. You can put it in a bowl. Shit, fill a ROOM with what you like. The most important part here is exploring your wants and needs in a way that makes you happy then loving yourself no matter what the outcome.
For a long time, I thought that in order to be desirable and sexy, I had to only be into the roughest sex possible. I spent a lot of time pushing my boundaries in ways I was not entirely comfortable with in order to do what I thought was making other people happy. Sex bruises were not badges of fun I’d had but proof that I’d done what someone wanted and I was worthy of having sex with.
As I’ve learned to love myself in new ways, healthy ways, and self-compassionate ways, I’ve learned that sex should be something you and any partners involved enjoy, no matter what that may be.
While I do enjoy some rough sex, I also really love the cute and romantic side of it. With lots of cuddles, slow foreplay, silly jokes and laughter, and adorable sex toys that don’t always have to look like they have more horsepower than my car.
Sex is multifaceted and so are you, babe. So lean into that shiny dimensional gem and explore what makes YOU happy, not what you think SHOULD make you happy.
So here’s how:
1. Follow the rabbit hole of the internet!
Rule 34: if it exists, there’s porn about it on the internet. Some people hear this and automatically leap to violent and scary things, HOWEVER, the other side of the coin exists too.
Always wanted to see Sleeping Beauty and the evil queen get steamy? Done.
Curious about being a wolf? Not a problem.
2. Listen to what sparks tingly joy!
If you’ve been anywhere near the internet or Netflix this year, you’ve heard about surrounding yourself with things that spark joy. The same thing applies to your sex toys!
I’ve always assumed my sex toys needed to be big and scary, but I had no idea that pretty ones existed too! Aim to find sexual things that make you smile or feel sexy in whatever way YOU want.
My very first vibrator was this Lelo one.
Why? Because I loved the color! It was just so pretty and sleek, I needed it. Even four years later, it’s so aesthetically pleasing it makes me happy just to see. (It’s also pretty damn fantastic even four years later.)
When I was looking for new toys, I wanted to find the prettiest toy ever that made me feel like a fairy princess, and I DID OMG.
Every time I see this beautiful piece of glass art, I feel magical. I want that magical feeling to be a part of my sexual experience and so should you. The joyful sexy tingles can manifest many ways. And if they manifest when you look like the cutest fairy sex princess, then babe wear that crown.
3. ADVOCATE FOR YOUR SEXY SELF
If you follow me on any platform, I can guarantee you will hear me shout this from the rooftops. Hell, I literally yell this at my friends or anyone within earshot on a near daily basis. If I were to take only one single lesson from the ridiculous amounts on money and time I have spent on therapy and self exploration, it’s that you have to own what you want and need and ask for it.
Sex is no different.
Own what you want and ask for it.
If you’re with a partner, don’t be afraid to speak up. I have some easy tips on how to do that in my blog here. The people you love and who love you back should be there to support your dreams and desires, just like you should do for them. So ask.
It may seem awkward at first, but a few minutes of awkward conversation can lead to a lifetime of incredible, delicious orgasms. Worth it, if you ask me.
Are you ready to start exploring every facet of your sexual side? Be sure to check out Adam and Eve for every possible fantasy you want to try out! Use the code STRUGGLE at checkout for 50% Off 1 item + Free Shipping on your entire order in the US & Canada.*
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